I've Loved These Days

As I mentioned earlier, Jacob and I spent last weekend in Branson for our anniversary/last trip before the baby comes. We had a wonderful time. Granted, we went a little overboard. I guess I was just very conscious of how long it might be before we get to go anywhere with just the two of us again.

Jacob goes overboard.

If you're not familiar with Branson (and really, why would you be?), it's kind-of a big deal in the Midwest as the place to go to see a show. There are literally always hundreds of shows playing there. Supposedly they also put on some big festivals, but we wouldn't know anything about that.

We saw three shows while we were there: Joseph, a musical telling the story of Joseph from the Old Testament (but sadly, different from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, which I love, although it was still a good show), a magic show, and a Chinese Acrobat show. They were all good and a lot of fun, but I don't mind saying that the Chinese acrobats were the best. Let's be honest, they are pretty hard to beat. We also went hiking and kayaking, visited the Ripley's Believe or Not Odditorium, and went to a wine tasting (where we sampled delicious juice while everyone else drank wine.) On the way home we ate at Lambert's Cafe, where the servers throw hot rolls at you from across the restaurant and you have to keep a close eye to make sure your neighbors don't miss a catch. Not even kidding.

It was an amazing trip. Sadly, not a lot of pictures - that's what happens when you go to shows, I guess - but it was a lovely time. I've been very aware lately of how much things are going to change for us in the next few weeks, and though I am very excited and grateful for this baby, I have to admit that I'm a little sad, too. I've really, really loved the last six years with just Jacob and I. I was always very content with just the two of us. Sometimes I'm a little concerned when I think of what will happen when a baby gets thrown into the mix. But then I look at Jacob and think, "Nah, we got this."

Okay, on to some quick baby updates.

Tomorrow I will be 33 weeks along. That is terrifying to me. Now that we're in the single-digit week countdown (only seven weeks left!), it's really become clear to me how many things we need to get done. On the other hand, I am huge and very uncomfortable. Sleep is next to impossible. Childbirth is looking pretty good at this point.

I've been attending about a million baby classes, ranging from childbirth to newborn care to breast/bottle feeding, etc. At one of those classes a few weeks ago, I was handed a flyer with nine different pictures of baby poop on it, showing what is healthy poop and what is unhealthy. All I could think was, "Oh gosh, I've entered the phase of my life where I get flyers about poop."

The most exciting thing that happened this week is that we finally picked a boy's name. We chose the name for a girl really early on, and knew what we wanted for a boy's first name, but have struggled with choosing a middle name to go with that first name. A few days ago I stumbled on one that I thought would work and that night proposed it to Jacob. It was the first time that I had said the full name out loud. Jacob paused a moment, rolled it over his tongue, said, "I really like that," at the same time that baby gave me an enormously huge kick. And since all three of us were excited, that's the name that we've picked.

Jacob and I have both been pretty convinced throughout the pregnancy that this baby is a girl, but I don't know what to think after having him/her respond that way to hearing a boy's name! Maybe it's a boy after all, maybe it's a girl really excited to meet a future brother. Guess we'll find out in seven weeks.

32 weeks

Stuck With a Day That's Gray and Lonely

Around 11:30 last night, Jacob and I arrived back at our apartment after a weekend trip to Branson, Missouri to celebrate our six year anniversary. It was a wonderful trip, but I don't have time to talk about that right now. I'm in the middle of the laundry and grocery shopping and car cleaning and other chore catch-ups that always come after a vacation. What I want to say is this:

Yesterday Jacob and I were kayaking on a beautiful, clear lake, chasing after turtles and getting sunburned.

This morning I woke up in my own bed, and it was snowing outside.

We obviously came back too early.

It Just Takes Some Time

In a moment of curiosity earlier this week, I did a search in my email to figure out when it was that my sister sent the job announcement for the library in this tiny town, which eventually brought us here. As it would turn out, it was on April 6, 2012 - a year ago today.

I've spent all week thinking about that. It's so amazing to think about how much has changed in that amount of time. One year ago, before I received that email, I was in a very dark place. By then we had gone through years of crappy jobs, unexpected lay-offs, and long periods of unemployment. We currently had jobs, but were being paid less than either of us had been paid since high school, and working long hours in thankless positions. There was very little joy in life.

I was tortured. I kept reviewing the decisions I had made over the years. I would think to myself, "I went to a good university. I graduated with a 3.8 GPA. I was heavily involved in community service and changed my major to make that a priority. I know I'm smart, I worked hard, and I try so hard to be good. So how did I end up here?" And there was never any answer. I did the only thing I could think to do - drop on my knees and plead for help. But I couldn't even think of a solution. We had run out of options, and we were both so, so tired of trying and failing. "Please, God," I would plead, "please give us a miracle."

And one year ago today, He did.

Now I have days when I see my husband smiling as he comes home from work, and I feel the baby tumbling around in my ever-growing tummy, and I know we can pay rent and buy groceries without worrying about where the money would come from, and I think, "Wow. Life is so good to us. How did I end up here?" And it's always a little humbling to remember that life as we know it now is a result of all those bitter years.

Just for fun, tonight I looked up a video that I used to watch at least once a week during those last few rough months, and I swear I sobbed every time. On especially bad days Jacob and I would sit together and watch it over, and over, and over again. I got teary-eyed as I watched it tonight, seeing it for the first time in a year, and realizing how true this is for us. Here it is (or you can watch it by clicking here):

"It will be alright in the end. Trust God, and believe in good things to come."