Temporary Home

Let me tell you a story.

When we moved to Missouri in 2012 we had zero choices of where to live. It was a small town, we needed a place immediately, and there was exactly one apartment available. It was itty-bitty tiny. Soon after we moved in we noticed the floor in the kitchen (which was carpeted) was always soaked through when it rained. We called and emailed our landlord several times, and heard several promises of fixing it, but no one ever came. The months trailed on and we lived with a damp, molding carpet.

We were living in that apartment when we found out that I was pregnant (with Abigail). There came a night that I couldn't sleep. I left our bedroom and settled down in the living room with a book. We didn't have any furniture, so I laid down on the floor. I usually can sleep absolutely anywhere, so it didn't bother me that I was on the floor, but as I read I started to notice something out of the corner of my eye. It took a while for me to be conscious of it, and when I finally looked over I was disgusted to see that there was a slug under our kitchen cabinets, and I was eye-level with it.

I hate slugs. I literally turn nauseous when I see them. I woke Jacob up and made him remove it from our apartment. I dismissed it as a one-time occurrence. But the next night we came home late, and when we switched on the lights in our apartment there were half a dozen slugs on our carpet. Jacob took all of them outside for me. I started to notice more of their glittery-trails all over the kitchen carpet during the day. I started refusing to walk into the dark kitchen; when we came home late I always made Jacob walk in before me, and I never, ever left the bedroom at night anymore.

We had only signed a six-month lease, and we moved out as soon as our six-months were up. The only problem was that, once again, there was only one other apartment available in town. We viewed it before signing a lease and hated it, but it didn't seem to have any slugs and there weren't any other options, so we took it. I spent a few days cleaning before we moved any of our stuff over, and spent (I kid you not) ten hours scrubbing down just the bathroom. The apartment was totally disgusting and full of spiders and it smelled awful. As the months and years passed, I tried every cleaner and remedy I could think of, and it made it barely tolerable. I hated that I brought my beautiful newborn daughter home to that place, and I hated that she crawled on that carpet and slept with who-knows-how-many spiders watching over her.

I was elated when we found out we were moving. I was sad about many things, but I was so grateful to be getting my baby out of that place. The same day that Jacob was presented with a job offer, I started packing. I didn't think we could leave fast enough.

But then a curious thing happened. All of our things were moved out, the truck was packed, the "cleaning" was done, it was time to say goodbye, and - I suddenly couldn't stop crying. There swelled within me a thousand memories of so many amazing things that had happened there. I remembered the hours I spent trying to make the nursery beautiful, and bringing Abigail home from the hospital, and all the late nights I had paced the floor holding her in my arms. I thought about how quickly she could roll across the floor, and how smeared the dining room walls were next to her high chair, and how I had watched her learn how to walk in the living room. All of these precious, treasured memories in a place that I would likely never see again. I was crushed. Jacob and I took a picture of the home I had hated so much, we said a tearful goodbye, and we closed the door behind us.

You're probably wondering why I brought that up. And this is the reason: on November 9th, Jacob and I bought our first house. We are officially homeowners! This is an incredibly humbling time for us, as we have worked and saved for years in the hopes that we could ever possibly afford a home. I LOVE it. I admit that it's nothing special, just a tiny townhouse built a few decades ago with an even smaller backyard. The kitchen is outdated, the light fixtures are bizarre, and the showers are miniature. But it is magic to us. It feels like home.

But even with all the relief and gratitude that I feel right now, I feel the same sadness I felt when we left Missouri - and even more so, because I really liked our last apartment. And look how small Abby was when we moved there:

She's practically a baby! That home is where she learned to talk so well, where we read thousands of books together, where we played hide-and-seek, where we had dance parties and family movie nights and baked cookies and celebrated two birthdays. It was the home that greeted us after trips to the playground, the splash pad, the pool, the library, after visits to family and spontaneous adventures. It was safe. It was warm. I could count on my babies sleeping well there.

It's the apartment where we found out that we were expecting our second baby. It's where we brought newborn Thomas home to. It's where he learned to smile, roll, and crawl. I paced the floors with him, and I desperately tried to exercise off the baby weight there. I trusted it to keep my babies safe.

It was home, and it was beautiful. I know that what made it beautiful was the sweet memories, the laughter and the singing and the kisses and hugs. I know we'll have an abundance of those things in our new home, and I am excited for that. But it's hard for me to say goodbye to a place where we felt so much love.

I'm showing pictures of a clean home, but really, it usually looked like this. I still loved it.

Good bye, Apartment #400. Thank you for all the love.

HOMEOWNERS

Here's a Little Baby: One, Two, Three

Hard to believe - impossible, really - that we are two days away from celebrating Thomas' first birthday. I am, as always, completely shocked. I don't know where the time goes.

I tried so hard to get him to take a bottle. I tried tricking him in so many ways. I just wanted one night off! But he was totally offended by that thought.

Thomas is so fun these days. He is a little rascal, always getting into things he knows he's not allowed in, but his persistent mischievousness is charming. He is such a boy. I often watch him on hands and knees, zooming a toy truck or train across the floor -a position that I expect to see in a four-year-old, not a baby. He loves dirt, climbing things, rough-housing, terrorizing his sister, and making my heart drop to my stomach. I believe we are just a short few weeks away from me pulling him off the bookshelves all day. 

   

Seven months old

It took him a shockingly short time to master eating with a spoon.

He is quite the little talker, babbling all day long. He says "Mama" and "Dadda" correctly surprisingly often, and also frequently repeats "Abba", which I think means "Abby". He is very friendly and waves to everyone (a trick he is very proud of!) In the last couple of weeks he has started blowing kisses. He also loves music, and bounces excitedly when we turn a song on. He tries to sing along. 

The age of destruction. Nothing is safe.

He hates closed doors. When anyone goes into the bathroom, he looks under the door until it is opened again.

He is forever climbing into things. Most of the time it is harmless enough, but I have TWICE pulled him out of a bathtub full of water after he hoisted himself over the edge and fell in, head first.

 Thomas loves to be outside. Sometimes, when he is especially cranky, stepping outside with him is the only thing that will calm him down. We don't have to do anything special, he is content being held in my arms while I point out the clouds and school buses and bright autumn leaves on the trees and absolutely anything else that I can think of.

Nine months old

A view I see often: Thomas pulling things out of the cabinets

Recently he's gotten quite good at playing "catch" with us - rolling, obviously - but I mean that he understands the concept of catching the ball and then rolling it to the next person. Thomas, Abigail, and I play this game several times a week!

Thomas hates eating in his high chair. When he's sitting in it, he rejects almost anything I offer him. After I pull him out, though, he stands at the chair and eats all the food he has dropped into it. I am so puzzled by this. Does he prefer eating standing up? Does food taste better after it has been sat on? Why does he do this?

If there's any place he's not supposed to be, he's there.

Something fun I've noticed about him, that even though he is in the "destruction age" where nothing is safe from him, he also often tries to put back together whatever he has broken. When he rips a page in a book, he tries to attach it back in. When he knocks over Abby's tower of blocks, he tries to build it back up. I love watching him trying to figure this out.

Thanks for helping sort the laundry, son.

Ten months old

But he has a strong personality, and there are definitely some things that he hates: his carseat, for example. Being away from Mom. Diaper changes (I can't tell you how many times Jacob has run into the room in a total panic while I am changing Thomas' diaper - he always thinks that something horrible has happened because why-else-would-Thomas-be-screaming-bloody-murder, but no dear, it's just a diaper change.) Also, recently Thomas has started hating most foods, and often rejects food that he ate ravenously the day before. And apparently he still hates sleep (although, to give him credit, he is doing much better than he was a few months ago.)

More selfies

He still loves his sister most in the world. He tries so hard to keep up with her. I am absolutely certain that “keeping up with Abby” is the inspiration behind his latest milestone: on November 9^th, only eleven months old, he took his first steps. He is still trying to figure it out, and it is so fun to watch him try. He is very relaxed about it. Abby was pretty focused about learning to walk; once she took her first steps, she worked at it and worked at it until she got it. It only took a few days (but she was also fourteen months old). Thomas shows no such focus. He tries it out a few times a day, and once he hits his bottom he is content to crawl again. This makes it near-impossible to catch on camera! By the time I pull out my phone, the moment is over. But I am still hoping to capture it!

Thomas:  you wild, crazy child. You have certainly pushed me! Every day I am reminded that I need to be more patient. But you always win me over. Your sweet smile and need to cuddle and mischievous personality are impossible to resist. I love you, little boy. I'm so glad you're here! I can't imagine my life or our family without you.

Sweet Little Nothings

While writing a new blog post, I always enjoy going back and looking through old photos. It takes some time to sort through everything and decide what to keep and what to save for another post. Here are a bunch of photos from the last ten months that I haven't been able to organize into any other topic. I usually try to keep things in chronological order, but not today. This is a grand photo dump. You'll see some from before Thomas was born to some pretty recent ones. These are some of the sweet little moments I enjoy every day.

Instead of building gingerbread houses, Jacob and I thought it would be fun to build castles out of food. What were we thinking?!? Abby just spent the evening eating outrageous amounts of candy.

This was the dresser that was in my room growing up. It was white, but I taped things all over it and the tape peeled the white paint off later, revealing a yellow layer underneath. It has sat in my parents house, white with yellow patches, since I left for college years ago. Last summer I asked my parents if I could have it back. I painted it a pale blue, then draped some lace over the drawers and spray-painted a turquoise-blue over it. Then I spray-painted new wooden knobs. It sits in the kids' room now and I LOVE it!

Doing yoga together

Playing hide-and-seek

Making her own PB&J sandwich for the first time

Twins!

It's a rare moment. I have to photograph it.

On his four-month birthday, lying next to one of his newborn outfits. How does he grow so fast?!?

Four months

At four months old we gave Thomas a haircut. Here's how he looked before...

And after! We were shocked to see a chubby little blond boy under all that dark hair!

Sometimes Abigail looks to me like she stepped out of a storybook.

I wish I could capture the admiration this boy has for his sister. He thinks she is just the coolest creature to walk the planet. Before I took this picture she dumped the toys out of this container, used it like a drum, shouted into it, and then finally wore it like a hat. Throughout it all he watched her, enchanted.